Art Fag All Stars was formed in 2005 by the merger of Ratchet and the much ballyhooed two-man art collective Kiefer and Valdes.

Kiefer and Valdes had been making strides in the field of visual arts, but both knew that to truly excel in the art world they would have to add an audio element to their projects. They initially set out as a duo under the name Cutty and the Sarktones, but despite their alcohol infused energy and distorted guitar riffs, they achieved only middling success.

Ratchet had spent long hours noodling on her synthesizer and collecting unusual acoustic instruments on eBay. The short instrumental compositions she recorded on her home computer were a unilateral success with her friends and relatives. Still, she knew that her music was lacking something that she couldn't achieve on her own; a collaboration would surely help her ascend to the next level creatively.

The three all knew each other from their formative years in Allentown, Pennsylvania. Transplanted to New York City, the trio reconnected and quickly found common ground and artistic vision.

Sr. Valdes was the first to suggest the formation of this new band. Mr. Kiefer and Ratchet reacted enthusiastically and the band, after some minor scheduling difficulties, held their first practice session. Art Fag All Stars was born.

  
 

Their first album, Conceptual As Hell, has never been released because the group felt that giving the album physical existence would detract from the overall concept of the work. This decision has had the unintended effect of making it difficult for fans to find and listen to the band's music. Hook For A Hand, widely regarded as the band's finest song, is nearly impossible to find bootleg or on the internet. The song Mommy Doesn't Love You (When You Do Bad Things) is so rare that even dedicated fans question its existence.

Nevertheless, Conceptual As Hell is sure to become an underground classic.

 
 

By early 2006, the strain of maintaining a jaded and disaffected posture grew too great for Sr. Valdes to bear, so he left the US to explore his roots in Chile. He is currently freeloading off his overseas friends and relatives while searching for ways to execute the large-scale Kiefer and Valdes projects at a lower cost than is possible in the States.

Mr. Kiefer rediscovered his love of knowledge and is currently enrolled in a PhD program in philosophy.

Ratchet has returned to working for the weekend and creating instrumental pieces in her spare time. She continues to troll eBay for musical equipment she cannot afford, and is taking inventory of the things in her apartment that she can sell in anticipation of the release of the Korg Radias later this year.